She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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