Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
