I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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