apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How does it feel to date your dad?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
