so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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