Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize