i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I want is dick and wine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
