Someone shit on the floor
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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