Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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