Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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