I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
