im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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