dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ate ashes out of my bong
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
