You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
