So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
