it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
