Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dicks are not precious.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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