My friends, they love my intelligence
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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