You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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