New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
