found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize