i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize