My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
