Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize