Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dignity is for republicans.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize