So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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