what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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