I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
