He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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