you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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