Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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