I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
