Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
