Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
