I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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