You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
