Even the bartender felt bad for me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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