Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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