dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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