I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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