do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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