I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
NoShamevember. You game?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
