I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
