It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
