I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize