They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
