I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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