I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
