Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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