"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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