this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
