You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
