I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
