i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
