Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
