if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone shattered a urinal.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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