I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
