hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
