i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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