You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
