imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
