Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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