i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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