Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
