My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize