There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
