They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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