I need help removing her.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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