Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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